


We all think that at first

by flycatcher



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Depressing, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 19:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18723346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flycatcher/pseuds/flycatcher
Summary: Loki survived the assault on the Statesman and joined the Avengers in their plan to defeat Thanos. He travels to Vormir to collect the Soul Stone with Thor.





	We all think that at first

**Author's Note:**

> I had a dream about Thor and Loki going to Vormir to get the soul stone. Dream didn't reveal what would happen so I had to use my dumb imagination. Look I'm sorry, but we're all suffering together. DON'T READ IF YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME
> 
> (My first ever fic, so if I've done something wrong with the tags, please let me know).

This is the happiest he's been in years. The loss of Odin, the destruction of Asgard - the undignified death of half their people in the dim-lit, ravaged interior of the Statesman while all Thor could do was lie on the ground, strength exhausted, mission failed, waiting for the inevitable release of death. All of this has taken a heavy toll - on both of them. But the relief of Loki standing in front of his door in New Asgard almost makes it all go away. 

Contrary to popular belief, he'd started drinking not to dull his pain, but to kill his hope – the last remains of terrible, unrelenting hope - after all, his brother's been dead before. But this time the illusion had been so _lifelike_ , so _convincing_ , and after the joyful tears he can't stop yelling at Loki for having made him watch all of this _again_ , skin turning dark, blood trickling, and green eyes staring into nothingness at the moment of death. Loki just stands calmly and listens and takes every accusation thrown at him, and eventually asks him, almost insulted, if he really thought Loki so stupid to attack a titan with a tiny _knife_ – and by the way, when's the last time Thor ate a salad? It's then that he knows his brother is well and truly back, and he can finally **live** again.

The other Avengers don't particularly love it, and they definitely will never trust Loki, but they appreciate a healthy, hopeful Thor who stops drinking and eating and goes back to his old form. Nobody had ever dared to say it, but seeing the strongest Avenger so devastated by grief was an enormous blow to morale. If the _god of thunder_ has already given them up, has given _himself_ up, then what hope is there for any of them – mortal and mundane? Loki's return has taken some of the edge off, and regardless of what the trickster might or might not be scheming, it pushes all of them back into action. 

So when the ant man announces his plan, and the test-run works (well, more or less), nobody is surprised when Thor announces that he and Loki will go together. Sending either of them back to Asgard or New York seems way too risky – what if they stumble upon their previous selves? Loki admits, smirking, that he would have definitely attacked _any_ version of Thor, future or present, under the Tesseract's hateful influence. Thor is very quiet as Natasha gently explains why sending him back to Asgard's golden, intact halls, is not a good idea. Vormir seems like the safest target – surely two gods can handle whatever the place might throw at them.

 

Vormir is icy and cold and Thor can't help but be reminded of another time, an easier time, back in Jotunheim – before their simple brotherly bond was thrown into chaos and pain and confusion. Snow collects in Loki's hair, and he doesn't bother to wipe it off, so Thor does it, just because he needs to touch his brother every now and then. Loki shoots him a smile and a glare – half annoyed, half appreciative - and Thor wonders if he feels at ease here in the cold, now that he has finally accepted his heritage and that it doesn't define him. 

As they step onto the platform, a floating spectre appears out of the shadows, and Loki readies one of his hidden daggers as Thor's grip around Stormbreaker's hilt tightens. If the creature notices, it does not react; instead speaking in a ghostly, grave voice that comes from everywhere at once. _Welcome, Thor, son of Odin. Loki, son of Laufey._ Loki's jaw clenches at that, but he doesn't bother with a correction; after all, this is a simple biological truth and they both know better by now. The spectre floats closer and reveals a red, sunken face. _You have come to ask for the soul stone. Know that it extracts a terrible price._

Well, it couldn't just have been easy for once, Thor assumes. They haven't brought anything with them, but perhaps Loki can negotiate something, or they will be sent on some sort of quest. 'What is it you want? Anything we can give, it's yours.'

The creature seems unimpressed, and Loki gets the feeling that he has heard this many times before. It gazes out onto the platform, to the steep edge. _In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. A soul.. for a soul._

For a moment, silence. Thor looks at the spectre, looks at the abyss, looks at Loki, _understands_. And already, it starts. Loki pretends not to notice how his brother attempts to subtly shift closer, to get into grabbing range. He lets him. Starts to think about a way he can make sure to do this as painless as possible for Thor, but knows there is none. In truth, he should never have returned to earth. Killed by Thanos, that might have been a hard truth Thor could ultimately accept, grieving forever, but possibly finding some purpose again eventually. Sacrificing his life in Thor's place, because they just so happened to pick the worst possible infinity stone to collect? Knowing full well that another team could have gone, however selfish that thought may be? Yeah, there is no way Thor will ever forgive himself for this, but it's still more bearable to think about than the alternative. 

'I think we know who it has to be' he says. Thor nods, a stout and very obvious determination on his face. 'I think we do'. He takes Loki's hand, grasps his arm for a moment. 'Take the stone back, Loki, and lead our people.'

'Now hold on, Thor', Loki quips, mischievous smile forming on his face but not reaching his eyes, 'I think now that we might be talking about a different person altogether'. And with that, he sends a _blast_ of seidr at Thor's body, who, unprepared, is knocked on his back, Stormbreaker falling from his hands. 

Loki turns around and runs with all the force he can find, abyss stretched out temptingly before him, but it's not long before a hand roughly grabs his cloak and yanks him back. Thor grunts in frustration as they wrestle on the ground for a bit before Loki slips out of his grasp, only to be tripped by Thor's leg shooting up, and he falls to the ground and breaks his nose in the process. They fight dirty, desperately, with all it takes, and Loki is getting blood all over them, but neither of them cares. _'Thor – just – let – me – do this one good thing..'_ he manages to get out between dodging his brother's attempts to put him in a stranglehold. If Thor has heard him, he doesn't relent.

It's a difficult line, both not wanting to seriously injure the other, both definitely strong enough to do so. The spectre watches, indifferently. The snow falls unperturbed. Thor's shaking arm is now applying pressure to his throat, and his vision starts to fade, but an elbow to the stomach loosens Thor's grip momentarily and Loki slips free. Quickly turning around, he conjures a prison of ice around his brother's frame, who howls in pain and frustration. The god's immense strength powered by fear already cracks thin hair lines into the ice and Loki runs again, but it's not enough. He hears the ice shatter behind him and then an enormous blast deafens him as his skin burns. Thor has hit him with thunder, and his muscles are not his own as they helplessly convulse on the ground. This feels like Sakaar, only so much worse. 

Through a haze of pain he sees Thor next to him, giving him a regretful look. 'I'm sorry, brother, but this time it's going to be me.' Loki feels control returning into his limbs, but continues to shake. This will be easier if Thor believes he is going to win. 

Thor steps around him, up towards the abyss, steeling his heart with heroic resolve and the knowledge that Loki will return, will live. Except that Loki magically teleports before him again, looking not much worse for wear. In that moment he wants to slap him, toss him aside, yell in his ear _stop making this so complicated and let me die for you already!_

They just look at each other for a bit, both panting, both tired. 'You know, brother' says Loki, 'you never did give me that hug.' But as Thor tries to tackle him, get him away from that awful edge, his form shifts and dissolves, only to appear again some feet further. Thor roars in anger. He had forgotten what it is like to fight the god of mischief. Copy after copy of Loki dissolves under his fingers until he notices how cleverly Loki has distracted him, and lured him away from the abyss. Why is he trying to fight again? A movement in the shadows catches his eye just before his hands grab something solid. Finally, he is holding the real Loki again, that infuriating, amazing creature trying to steal his sacrifice.

'Loki, let me do it' he cries out in a desperate attempt to convince. 'They were my people. I am our king. I failed everyone. It has to be me.'  
'I have failed way more people in my lifetime than you, so don't even try. What you have to do is go back to earth, to New Asgard, and make something out of it. And let me GO!' 

A sharp pain suddenly enters between Thor's ribs, and this time, he's not even surprised. He shoves Loki to safety, and doesn't even bother to pull the dagger out. The way to the cliff seems free for a second, but his jog is interrupted as he slips on an ice sheet that was not there before. Loki passes on his right, running, and the panic sucks all breath out of him. Only one desperate, risky move is left to think of. He sends Stormbreaker, and it hits Loki in the side just as he is about to jump, slamming him against a stone column, audibly breaking bone. 

As he walks over to view the damage, Loki is unconscious and smeared with blood, but wholly, wonderfully alive. Perhaps it is better this way. No more fighting. No difficult last words. Just a short fall with the elevating knowledge that he can finally feel worthy again. He kneels down and finally, awkwardly, gives Loki that promised hug, pulling his unresponsive body close and trying to pour all of his worthless love into it, now that Loki is not awake to sneer or laugh or play it off with a joke. But as he pulls away, Loki's eyes are open, and his body returns the embrace. For a moment, all is well. Peace and acceptance fill his mind. 

'Are you ever not going to fall for that?' the illusion asks with a sad smile and dissolves. It's a clever quip and a throwback to different times, but most of all it's an unspoken _I'm sorry you have to go through this again_ and _I'm so glad I died on good terms with you, though_ and a _goodbye, brother, for the last time_. Behind him, on the edge of the abyss, Loki lets go. The fall is too short for any deep thoughts or long regrets. All he feels is the wind blowing through his hair, and there is an indescribable pain of relief and regret, and then cold hard stone breaks his bones and spills his blood. 

 

 

Thor wakes up in cold water, under a black moon.


End file.
